Who Goes Where?

I'll admit last night…I did not feel like going to Youth Group. I just didn't feel well. My head hurt. My leg still hurt. Work was horrible. I just didn't feel fell. I love the kids. They make me laugh and I always have a good time. The girls I work with are wonderful. Partly because they think I'm cool (a fact my 12 year old daughter has failed to realize) but mostly because I can relate so much to what they are going through. But I just didn't feel like I was in the frame of mind to be there. Yet all day long God was in my heart was telling me I needed to be there. I am so glad that I did. Last night Jon ended the series on "Back to the Future" with the question WHO GOES WHERE?

As I sat there and listened to Jon talk to the kids I found myself writing thoughts down. During small group I asked the girls some questions and was amazed at their openness, but not surprised by their answers:

What/who is holding you back?
friends, fear, losing yourself
What/who are you holding onto?
friends, fun things
What/who is stopping you from committing your life to Christ?
friends, uncertainty
What/who comes before God in your life?
SILENCE!
How empty do you have to feel before you hear God's voice calling to you?
SILENCE!

Most of them talked about this kid in their class who was a big believer. Prayed before his meal. Prayed at the flagpole during the national day of prayer. People made fun of him. They just didn't want to be that kid. What do you say to that? I want them so much to know the depths of God's love for them. But what do I say to that? I just sat there and lost the words. Then the kicker came when one of the girls said "He is such a better Christian than I am." There was just this look in her eyes.

Then I asked a question that gave me two different responses. Some of these girls come because someone brought them or convinced them to come. If that person was no longer a part of their life would they still be here. One said yes right away. The other looked at me and said probably not. My heart broke for both of them. The one that said yes right away knows she needs God. The look in her eyes tells me she is going through some stuff that she is struggling with. The other doesn't think she needs Him, or doesn't want to admit she does. Either way she is going through stuff that she won't be real about. Knowing that I asked each and every girl to be real to themselves and to God. Even if what they say to me every time they see me isn't real , at least be real to themselves and to God. He knows them. He knows their hearts. And they needed to hear that.

Small group was intense. There were tears. And that can be good. Tears make you think. But tears can be sadness, fear, desperation, loneliness, heartache, PAIN. And those are the things that are making my heart break tonight. I've been there. I know where it can lead. So, tonight I pray...hard.