I'm listening....

As I lay in bed last night I was overcome with lots of things.

Last night was kickoff night for the ROCK.

First night in 6 years that I don't have a middle school kid.

Sami was there, Scott was there and I was there. Trace wasn't. And I missed him. A new chapter has begun in his life. He's growing up and I was beginning to feel like an outsider looking in. But last night we talked, about his day, about his friends, about nothing at all and everything. And then he said something and I was reminded that as long as we have these moments I will never by an outsider to his life. A reminder that he is still my boy and still needs me. Even when he acts tough, even when he acts like he doesn't.

I'm listening....

And then there is Sami. A girl who I thank God everyday is not the girl I was at her age. She has a love for Him that amazes me. And yet there are still so many things that break her heart. Saturday night she got the text that no 16 year old should ever get. Her friend and classmate since the 7^th grade died. So, for the last couple of days we've been walking with her. Talking to her, but allowing her time to digest all of this. For the most part she has been silent. Because that's how she deals. And tonight, when asked how she was doing, she said something that told us what we already knew. She's hurting, she's confused and has many questions. Some that will never get answered while on this earth. But in a quiet moment after I was reminded that she will be ok. It will be rough for a while, maybe even a long while. But one day she will come out of this sadness.

I'm listening....

In small group tonight we went around and said our “popcorn” prayers before going our separate ways for the night. One of the girls said a prayer that floored me. I looked up to make sure I heard correctly who it was. If it's even possible my heart sunk and was lifted at the same time. It sunk over the fear, and hurt that is in her life right now. And it was lifted hearing her say it out loud. That for the first time since she walked through the doors she layed it out there. She was honest with herself and to God.

I'm listening....

God....
I'm listening.....

I'm listening to the unspoken words.

I'm listening to the spoken words.

I'm listening.

And when I don't listen. When my crazy life gets the best of me. Remind me of this night. And remind me that more then anything...You are listening.

Grandma. I love you!

I have so many memories of times we spent together. You coming to see us when we lived in Texas and bringing the ten speed bike I was sure I wasn't getting. Riding in the convertible acting like celebrities. Our crazy trip to Boston and Cape Cod. Coming over and watching Dancing with the Stars with you. Laying in your bed talking one night on Christmas Eve.

The memories I will cherish the most are the times you were there for me. When I was dumb enough to think I knew more then mom and dad and moved out at 18. You took me in with no judgment or questions.
being in the pre-surgical room right after my car accident. We were there for a while and every time I woke up and open my eyes you were sitting there next to me.
And when I had my own cancer scare you called me every day till we got the results.
Every time I needed you, without me asking you were there.

You taught me to never be afraid to be who I am. To stand up for who I was and to be proud of myself. I know even during the times I wasn't you were proud of me. I know because you told me. You taught me about strength and perseverance. You never gave up. When you found out you had breast cancer again you said you would not give up and that you would beat it. And you were right. Cancer didn't win. You may have died with cancer but you didn't die because of cancer. So you won. And in my mind you will always be a survivor!

It's not fair and it sucks. You were so strong for all of us. Always taking care of us. I can't imagine a world without you in it.

I will miss your laugh, inside jokes and calling you by your Indian name. But most of all I will miss the moments when we just sat and talked. When you told me stories about when you were growing up and stories you told me about when I was little.

You will never be gone from our lives. You will live on in all of us. Your legacy will live on through all of us.

So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a hand print on my heart

I love you so much!

A beautiful smile - One that I will never forget!

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.

The original Donut Kings
5 Generations

Christmas 2010

Boston
"King" ladies at Heather's baby shower
My Ga-Ga and Boppy and me in front of the King Donut Shop

Lessons learned this week

Last Saturday Trace and I dropped Sami and Scott off at the church for a week long missions trip to New Orleans. I have to admit I was a mess. As soon as the vans pulled out of the parking lot and I was safely in my car with Trace I bawled like a baby. A big part of me was missing them. Sami had never been away from me for a week. I had been away from her but she had never left me. And then to top it all off I didn't even have my husband to comfort me. But there was also this part of me that was nervous about how Trace and I would get a long throughout the week. We'd always been close but over the years he had found a lot of things to bond with Scott on and I had felt like I was left out in the cold. We had become a house divided. Sami with me and Trace with Scott. But this week I learned it doesn't and shouldn't be like that.
I have to say that I have really enjoyed this week with my son. And look forward to every and any moment I can spend with him.

But....I do miss my daughter and my husband and I can't wait to see them tomorrow. But tonight....I think I will go and hang out with my guy...maybe play a board game, maybe watch a movie or maybe just talk....

Some things I've learned this week:
1. I am so in love with my husband! I fell in love with the handsome man that swept me off of my feet. I stayed in love with the protector of our family, the wonderful father to our children and the man of God he is.

2. My son is turning into quite a man. He is taking after his father in so many ways. From stepping in during the storms this week to watching him interact with the kids he was caring for this week I am in amazement over the man he is becoming. He is following after Jesus with heartfelt passion and I can not wait to see what the next phase of his life is.

3. I am so incredibly blessed to have a daughter that has a heart for missions and for people. I can't wait to hear about her experiences. I know that she has been waiting for this trip for so long. Yes, to spend time with friends but also because she has a genuine heart of compassion to help out people.
4. I have a wonderful group of friends that were willing to be there when and if I needed them this week.

5. As tough as it can be...it can always be worse. My heart breaks for my co-workers who have lost their home from the floods in Minot. Knowing what it feels like to lose your home I pray for their faith to be strong enough to know God will see them through this.

6. I will never get use to being alone.....but I am a heck of lot stronger then I realized!

What is enough?

So the news is reporting a certain celebrity just got engaged and is sporting around a 2 million dollar ring. WOW! That is crazy! I wonder if she thinks the size and price of the ring is equal to the amount of love you have for a person. Maybe she thinks it means since she is wearing a ring that big and that expensive the marriage will last forever and we will talk about it for years and years. You know my grandparents were married for 24 years before my grandfather passed away. I don't know what caret my grandma's ring is. I don't know how much it cost. But what I do know is my grandparents loved each other like crazy. And I know they would still be married if my grandfather had not died. My parents have been married for 32 years. They both sported simple gold bands until my mother lost hers skiing at the lake. The ring my dad bought her to replace her band is not a 20 caret rock but it was worth more then a 20 caret ring. Why? Because you can't put a price on love and forever.
That's what I want to remember. That's what I want my kids to remember about their parent's marriage. That love was enough.

I don't care they have more money then I do. But what makes me sad is that when this story broke out people in Joplin, MO were moving into shelters because their homes were gone. Children around the world are going without food. Human trafficking is running rampant in our world.
It's not just celebrities - it's all of us. How many times have we decided we needed the bigger and better thing? How many times have we given in and up to be more like the person next door. We live in a society that screams "you are not good enough unless you have xyz product." That's what our children live with every day. They buy an iPod and then two days later the new iPod comes out and all of sudden the one they have now is junk. Why? It still plays the same songs. But because Jane next door has a new one they feel they need to compete. And when does it stop? When we have all the things we want? Will we ever have all the things we want.

God,
Please continue to remind me that You are enough for me. That no amount of stuff is going to fill me the way that You can. Help me turn from things that will only provide me a sliver of happiness for a short time but will never give me the hope, peace and love that You have to offer. Thank you Lord for always loving me even when I fall short of the plans You have for my life. Amen.

Detoxify your life

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about my life and the life of my family. We begin our mornings crazy (usually due to waking up late). Scott and I run out the door after signing planners and yelling for the kids to have a great day. Scott spends all day running to his next delivery while I spend my day running to my next meeting. I go to the gym and I run and for the last month Scott has been running to the haunted house to finish tearing down. After the gym I run home and get the kids dinner and then run around the house cleaning up while the kids watch tv or hang out at the computer. Then it's off to bed for them while Scott and I spend the next 2 hours either talking about what ever is on our mind (usually complaining about work) or watching tv. There seems to be 1 common word in our very hectic lives. RUNNING. Now, I love to run. I love the accomplishment I feel after running. But when it comes to our lives I feel like I have spent the better part of this year running. And not nearly enough time really living. So, I came up with the idea of detoxifying our lives. I already had a lot of these thoughts but below is an excerpt from an article I read:

By simple definition, to detox or detoxify is to eliminate, get rid or cleanse of toxins. Many areas of our life can benefit from a cleansing and purifying routine, because our lives are full of pollutants and toxins. Apart from the obvious culprits like alcohol, coffee or too much red meat, did you know they come in other forms too? Negative emotions, stress and frustration also add to your toxin levels.

Detox your home

Be a clutter buster. Some things just have to be tackled daily – washing dishes, the post, bills and e-mails. Get those done first thing and feel your sense of control returning. Anything that causes you stress, anxiety or is associated with negativity or bad memories should be sold, stored or given away. Items that make you smile should stay.

Detox your wardrobe

Divide your cupboards into four piles – clothes that don’t fit anymore, items which are out of fashion, clothes which you wear for special occasions and everyday favorites. Ditch the first two piles and keep the other two, checking if anything needs repairing or dry-cleaning before putting them back.

Detox your finances

Get on top of your finances. Face any unpaid bills and draw up a budget for the rest of the year.

Detox your fridge

Out with the additive-laden ready-made meals and in with the fresh fruit and vegetables. Fill your fridge with healthy, tasty snacks and keep it well stocked so the temptation to order take outs is reduced.

Detox your address book

Think about whom you really enjoy spending time with and whether you see them enough. It may sound harsh but there are lots of people you cram into your social schedule whom you see out of habit rather than real desire.

Detox your car

Clear out those cool drinks cans and sweets wrappers, vacuum your car and give the body work a good wash. Now is the time to get any niggling problems seen to, and to check the tires and oil.

Detox your desk

Can’t see your computer from the huge pile of paperwork? Take a few minutes to put everything in its place. Face that filing, organize your in-tray and stash stationery away – soon you will feel ready to tackle any task.

Detox your calendar

Don’t feel pressured to go to everything you’re invited to – everyone understands if you say no occasionally. Look at your diary for the next few months and write in time-out time. An hour a day; a day a week; a weekend a month and holiday downtime. This way you have a date with rest and relaxation.

Detox your body

Rather than focusing on cutting out the bad stuff try concentrating on building healthy habits by adding healthy things to your diet day by day. Increase your water intake, eat fruit for breakfast, walk for a few minutes and have a variety of vegetables for dinner. Maintain healthy habits like these and in no time you would feel transformed.

So the Griffin's are making BIG changes in our lives. We are limiting our computer and television usage. Doing some major "detox" cleaning in the house. Out with the old and in with the new. It's always scary when you make some major changes in your life but Scott and I are pretty excited. Surprising enough even the kids are pretty excited about it - even though limited tv and computer.

so...tomorrow we start...1st step detoxifying the house! Wish us luck!

Food for thought

Someone sent this to me today in an email and I thought it was something worth passing on.

The quote of the month is by Jay Leno: 'With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, 'Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'

The Peasant Princess

One of the Youth Group leaders told me about this series that Mark Driscoll is doing. So I've been listening to the podcast this morning at work. I'm just going to say WOW! It's awesome. I can't wait to have Scott listen to this with me.

Here is the website to get to this podcast:
http://rss.marshillchurch.org/mhcsermonaudio