I'm having one of those nights were everything makes me want to cry. The last couple of weeks have been pretty hard for me and my family in general. I've been struggling a lot with forgiveness. I know that God wants me to forgive the people that have hurt me. But how do you forgive without opening yourself to pain and vulnerbility again. Take my father for instance. He did the ultimate wrong. One that many people would consider unforgivable. I've tried and tried and I still struggle with forgiving him. Not just for what he did to me but what he did to the other people involved. As much as I've tried to forgive him I find myself back in the same place many times. Questioning how I can do that? My mind is still filled with so many questions and ones I don't think I will ever get the answers to. And then there is the struggle of forgiving someone for hurting someone important to me. How can I find it in my heart to forgive someone who hurt Sami. If I can't forgive how can I move on and help her deal with pain in her own heart. And what if she has already forgiven him? Am I holding her back holding onto a pain she is trying to let go of. Or worse is the pain I feel so strong it's preventing me from helping her?
I did some reading tonight and this is what I've found:
We forgive by faith, out of obedience. Since forgiveness goes against our nature, we must forgive by faith, whether we feel like it or not. We must trust God to do the work in us that needs to be done so that the forgiveness will be complete.
I believe God honors our commitment to obey Him and our desire to please him when we choose to forgive. He completes the work in his time. We must continue to forgive (our job), by faith, until the work of forgiveness (the Lord's job), is done in our hearts.
Most times, however, forgiveness is a slow process.
Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. (NIV)
This answer by Jesus makes it clear that forgiveness is not easy for us. It's not a one-time choice and then we automatically live in a state of forgiveness. Forgiveness may require a lifetime of forgiving, but it is important to the Lord. We must continue forgiving until the matter is settled in our heart.
So I will pray God helps me to learn to forgive. Maybe then slowly the tears will stop.
1 comment:
This is a great post and has me thinking as well. You and I struggle with so many of the same things. I struggle with trying to learn to let go of the pain your father has caused me which really in turn caused the pain for you. I can almost let go of the pain for myself but not yours. Then there is the family situation but the main one is with Lisa. Why do I still struggle with that one? Why do I still let it bother me when she is the one that shut off all communication and doesn't have the guts to tell me why? Why do I still want her in my life more than anyone else in the family?
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