I don't remember joining the circus

Grandma. I love you!

2011-11-01T20:40:00.009-05:00

I have so many memories of times we spent together. You coming to see us when we lived in Texas and bringing the ten speed bike I was sure I wasn't getting. Riding in the convertible acting like celebrities. Our crazy trip to Boston and Cape Cod. Coming over and watching Dancing with the Stars with you. Laying in your bed talking one night on Christmas Eve.

The memories I will cherish the most are the times you were there for me. When I was dumb enough to think I knew more then mom and dad and moved out at 18. You took me in with no judgment or questions.
being in the pre-surgical room right after my car accident. We were there for a while and every time I woke up and open my eyes you were sitting there next to me.
And when I had my own cancer scare you called me every day till we got the results.
Every time I needed you, without me asking you were there.

You taught me to never be afraid to be who I am. To stand up for who I was and to be proud of myself. I know even during the times I wasn't you were proud of me. I know because you told me. You taught me about strength and perseverance. You never gave up. When you found out you had breast cancer again you said you would not give up and that you would beat it. And you were right. Cancer didn't win. You may have died with cancer but you didn't die because of cancer. So you won. And in my mind you will always be a survivor!

It's not fair and it sucks. You were so strong for all of us. Always taking care of us. I can't imagine a world without you in it.

I will miss your laugh, inside jokes and calling you by your Indian name. But most of all I will miss the moments when we just sat and talked. When you told me stories about when you were growing up and stories you told me about when I was little.

You will never be gone from our lives. You will live on in all of us. Your legacy will live on through all of us.

So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a hand print on my heart

I love you so much!

A beautiful smile - One that I will never forget!

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.

The original Donut Kings
5 Generations

Christmas 2010

Boston
"King" ladies at Heather's baby shower
My Ga-Ga and Boppy and me in front of the King Donut Shop

Lessons learned this week

2011-06-24T21:27:00.002-05:00

Last Saturday Trace and I dropped Sami and Scott off at the church for a week long missions trip to New Orleans. I have to admit I was a mess. As soon as the vans pulled out of the parking lot and I was safely in my car with Trace I bawled like a baby. A big part of me was missing them. Sami had never been away from me for a week. I had been away from her but she had never left me. And then to top it all off I didn't even have my husband to comfort me. But there was also this part of me that was nervous about how Trace and I would get a long throughout the week. We'd always been close but over the years he had found a lot of things to bond with Scott on and I had felt like I was left out in the cold. We had become a house divided. Sami with me and Trace with Scott. But this week I learned it doesn't and shouldn't be like that.
I have to say that I have really enjoyed this week with my son. And look forward to every and any moment I can spend with him.

But....I do miss my daughter and my husband and I can't wait to see them tomorrow. But tonight....I think I will go and hang out with my guy...maybe play a board game, maybe watch a movie or maybe just talk....

Some things I've learned this week:
1. I am so in love with my husband! I fell in love with the handsome man that swept me off of my feet. I stayed in love with the protector of our family, the wonderful father to our children and the man of God he is.

2. My son is turning into quite a man. He is taking after his father in so many ways. From stepping in during the storms this week to watching him interact with the kids he was caring for this week I am in amazement over the man he is becoming. He is following after Jesus with heartfelt passion and I can not wait to see what the next phase of his life is.

3. I am so incredibly blessed to have a daughter that has a heart for missions and for people. I can't wait to hear about her experiences. I know that she has been waiting for this trip for so long. Yes, to spend time with friends but also because she has a genuine heart of compassion to help out people.
4. I have a wonderful group of friends that were willing to be there when and if I needed them this week.

5. As tough as it can be...it can always be worse. My heart breaks for my co-workers who have lost their home from the floods in Minot. Knowing what it feels like to lose your home I pray for their faith to be strong enough to know God will see them through this.

6. I will never get use to being alone.....but I am a heck of lot stronger then I realized!

What is enough?

2011-05-28T10:55:00.003-05:00

So the news is reporting a certain celebrity just got engaged and is sporting around a 2 million dollar ring. WOW! That is crazy! I wonder if she thinks the size and price of the ring is equal to the amount of love you have for a person. Maybe she thinks it means since she is wearing a ring that big and that expensive the marriage will last forever and we will talk about it for years and years. You know my grandparents were married for 24 years before my grandfather passed away. I don't know what caret my grandma's ring is. I don't know how much it cost. But what I do know is my grandparents loved each other like crazy. And I know they would still be married if my grandfather had not died. My parents have been married for 32 years. They both sported simple gold bands until my mother lost hers skiing at the lake. The ring my dad bought her to replace her band is not a 20 caret rock but it was worth more then a 20 caret ring. Why? Because you can't put a price on love and forever.
That's what I want to remember. That's what I want my kids to remember about their parent's marriage. That love was enough.

I don't care they have more money then I do. But what makes me sad is that when this story broke out people in Joplin, MO were moving into shelters because their homes were gone. Children around the world are going without food. Human trafficking is running rampant in our world.
It's not just celebrities - it's all of us. How many times have we decided we needed the bigger and better thing? How many times have we given in and up to be more like the person next door. We live in a society that screams "you are not good enough unless you have xyz product." That's what our children live with every day. They buy an iPod and then two days later the new iPod comes out and all of sudden the one they have now is junk. Why? It still plays the same songs. But because Jane next door has a new one they feel they need to compete. And when does it stop? When we have all the things we want? Will we ever have all the things we want.

God,
Please continue to remind me that You are enough for me. That no amount of stuff is going to fill me the way that You can. Help me turn from things that will only provide me a sliver of happiness for a short time but will never give me the hope, peace and love that You have to offer. Thank you Lord for always loving me even when I fall short of the plans You have for my life. Amen.

Detoxify your life

2008-11-17T21:34:00.003-06:00

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about my life and the life of my family. We begin our mornings crazy (usually due to waking up late). Scott and I run out the door after signing planners and yelling for the kids to have a great day. Scott spends all day running to his next delivery while I spend my day running to my next meeting. I go to the gym and I run and for the last month Scott has been running to the haunted house to finish tearing down. After the gym I run home and get the kids dinner and then run around the house cleaning up while the kids watch tv or hang out at the computer. Then it's off to bed for them while Scott and I spend the next 2 hours either talking about what ever is on our mind (usually complaining about work) or watching tv. There seems to be 1 common word in our very hectic lives. RUNNING. Now, I love to run. I love the accomplishment I feel after running. But when it comes to our lives I feel like I have spent the better part of this year running. And not nearly enough time really living. So, I came up with the idea of detoxifying our lives. I already had a lot of these thoughts but below is an excerpt from an article I read:

By simple definition, to detox or detoxify is to eliminate, get rid or cleanse of toxins. Many areas of our life can benefit from a cleansing and purifying routine, because our lives are full of pollutants and toxins. Apart from the obvious culprits like alcohol, coffee or too much red meat, did you know they come in other forms too? Negative emotions, stress and frustration also add to your toxin levels.

Detox your home

Be a clutter buster. Some things just have to be tackled daily – washing dishes, the post, bills and e-mails. Get those done first thing and feel your sense of control returning. Anything that causes you stress, anxiety or is associated with negativity or bad memories should be sold, stored or given away. Items that make you smile should stay.

Detox your wardrobe

Divide your cupboards into four piles – clothes that don’t fit anymore, items which are out of fashion, clothes which you wear for special occasions and everyday favorites. Ditch the first two piles and keep the other two, checking if anything needs repairing or dry-cleaning before putting them back.

Detox your finances

Get on top of your finances. Face any unpaid bills and draw up a budget for the rest of the year.

Detox your fridge

Out with the additive-laden ready-made meals and in with the fresh fruit and vegetables. Fill your fridge with healthy, tasty snacks and keep it well stocked so the temptation to order take outs is reduced.

Detox your address book

Think about whom you really enjoy spending time with and whether you see them enough. It may sound harsh but there are lots of people you cram into your social schedule whom you see out of habit rather than real desire.

Detox your car

Clear out those cool drinks cans and sweets wrappers, vacuum your car and give the body work a good wash. Now is the time to get any niggling problems seen to, and to check the tires and oil.

Detox your desk

Can’t see your computer from the huge pile of paperwork? Take a few minutes to put everything in its place. Face that filing, organize your in-tray and stash stationery away – soon you will feel ready to tackle any task.

Detox your calendar

Don’t feel pressured to go to everything you’re invited to – everyone understands if you say no occasionally. Look at your diary for the next few months and write in time-out time. An hour a day; a day a week; a weekend a month and holiday downtime. This way you have a date with rest and relaxation.

Detox your body

Rather than focusing on cutting out the bad stuff try concentrating on building healthy habits by adding healthy things to your diet day by day. Increase your water intake, eat fruit for breakfast, walk for a few minutes and have a variety of vegetables for dinner. Maintain healthy habits like these and in no time you would feel transformed.

So the Griffin's are making BIG changes in our lives. We are limiting our computer and television usage. Doing some major "detox" cleaning in the house. Out with the old and in with the new. It's always scary when you make some major changes in your life but Scott and I are pretty excited. Surprising enough even the kids are pretty excited about it - even though limited tv and computer.

so...tomorrow we start...1st step detoxifying the house! Wish us luck!

Food for thought

2008-11-06T15:09:00.004-06:00

Someone sent this to me today in an email and I thought it was something worth passing on.

The quote of the month is by Jay Leno: 'With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, 'Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'

The Peasant Princess

2008-10-30T09:50:00.002-05:00

One of the Youth Group leaders told me about this series that Mark Driscoll is doing. So I've been listening to the podcast this morning at work. I'm just going to say WOW! It's awesome. I can't wait to have Scott listen to this with me.

Here is the website to get to this podcast:
http://rss.marshillchurch.org/mhcsermonaudio

Who's in control?

2008-10-30T06:38:00.001-05:00

On Tuesday we will head to the voting polls. With everything going on in our country and in our world it's easy to be worried and fearful of the future. I will admit I have listened to the debates and CNN and fretted over the state of this country. Scott's aunt sent an email out this week that really hit home. It reminded me that God is ever present in our lives. We just need to continue to look to Him for guidance.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:34

Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? If then you are not able to do so small a thing as that, why do you worry about the rest? (Luke 12:25-26)

Top 10 Predictions No Matter Who Wins the Election

1. The Bible will still have all the answers.

2. Prayer will still work.

3. The Holy Spirit will still move.

4. God will still inhabit the praises of His people.

5. There will still be God-anointed preaching.

6. There will still be singing of praise to God.

7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.

8. There will still be room at the Cross.

9. Jesus will still love you.

10. Jesus will still save the lost when they come to Him.

ISN'T IT GREAT TO KNOW WHO IS REALLY IN CHARGE!!

my crazy life

2008-09-24T11:41:00.004-05:00

Quick update on my mom. She is out of the hospital. They still aren't 100% sure what is going on but they are sure it wasn't a heart attack. She went to the heart doctor yesterday and he feels it doesn't have anything to do with her heart. So, we are thankful that her heart seems to be in good condition. We're just praying for some results so we can start treating whatever is going on.

That being said our family still needs to have our own wing in a hospital. As if strep throat, bronchitis and pneumonia weren't enough for me this summer I have apparently been working so hard that I have developed tendinitis. I would prefer to say that I caught it from someone but I guess that's not possible. So, I have a brace on my wrist and anti-inflammatory medication to take. Normally it wouldn't be taking me so long to blog but pecking the keys with my nose takes awhile. Just kidding but it is taking me quite a long time to type this

Then there is poor little Sami who decided that 2am Monday morning would be the perfect time for her to puke (of course she has her mother's perfect timing). Thankfully, she is all better now but if you know me at all you will know that cleaning puke up (no matter what time) is one of my least favorite jobs in the world. In fact I will flash back to Christmas 3 years ago when both Scott and Samantha were sick. In the middle of the night Sami pukes (again, perfect timing). Do I jump up and handle everything like a good wife/mother? Nope - I wake Scott up (who btw is running a fever of 103) to tell him Sami puked and can he clean it up? Yeah...puke....not my favorite thing.

This leaves me with Trace (Scott btw is the healthiest of all of us). Most of you know that he has battled some mysterious ailment for quite a long time. He has been to 10 or more Dr's, all with different specialties. Has had 3 surgeries (including 1 with a Dr. that charged us and our insurance company for removing tonsils and adenoids that are still there). We thought we finally had a handle on it when the last Dr. said he thought it had to do with his sinus' and we should just let it play out and see what happens. Which brings me to now. He has been back to coughing and clearing his throat for over a month now. On top of that he has had swollen lymph nodes in his neck. Over the counter meds are not working and the meds the Dr. gave him last week are not working. So yesterday we headed back to the Dr.'s office. A place I have started calling our second home. We are trying new round of drugs and then possibly a new specialist. I'm just not ready to start this all over again. I'm praying things go differently this time and we get some results finally. Even though it's not an illness that is laying him up in a hospital bed it's still hard to see your child suffer.

I feel like all of this, Scott's unemployment, my mom's health, Trace's health is a test from God. So, why does it feel like I'm not passing the test.

Prayer request

2008-09-16T12:10:00.003-05:00

I'm going to go away from my normal blogging today and ask for some prayers. My mom has just been put in the hospital with chest pains. The Dr.'s haven't ruled out anything yet so we're just praying right now for answers and healing. Thanks everyone!

Music

2008-09-03T22:15:00.003-05:00

Someone the other day asked me what kind of music I listen to. My taste in music is pretty eclectic so it depends on my mood and what I'm doing that day. When I'm cleaning the house I usually listen to upbeat dancing music (because really - who doesn't like to dance and clean the refrigerator at the same time). When I'm trying to mellow myself out I tend to listen to slower music. And of course when I work out I listen to a variety of fast paced music to try and keep me motivate. So to give you an idea of what I listen to here was my play list for running last night:

Motley Crue-Don't Go Away Mad Just Go Away(I'm a 90's rocker chick at heart)
Zoe Girl-Dismissed
Relient K-I So Hate Consequences
Go-Go's-Our Lips Are Sealed
Bon Jovi-Shot Through The Heart (come on - Bon Jovi on my play list that's pretty obvious)
LeAnn Rimes-Good Friends and A Glass of Wine
Natalie Grant-Live For Today
New Kids on the Block-Summertime and the Right Stuff (seriously - I wouldn't be me if I didn't have some NKOTB)
Sarah Buxton - Love is a Trip
Steely Dan-You're Still the One
Steve Miller Band-Jet Airliner
The Eagles-Too Busy Being Fabulous
Warrent-Down Boys

I think that about covers it. See what I mean about my taste in music. Some may think it's weird but it keeps me motivated and hey - I'm happy that my kids are older now and I'm not having to listen to endless hours of Barney songs.

So what music motivates you?

Being Real

2008-08-22T13:52:00.001-05:00

I've always been an open book. When I'm having a bad or good day people usually know it and they know why. There are people I know who seem to have the perfect life. I know that isn't true. But why do they feel the need to give off that impression? We have been taught throughout our lives to not show that we are struggling with something. We're told it makes us look weak. As Christians are we so afraid of looking "non-Christian" that we are missing a wonderful opportunity to reach non-Christians just because we don't want to look like we don't have it together? I will tell you that before I was a believer I felt uncomfortable around Christians that appeared to always have it together. I thought I never measured up. The ones that reached me were the ones that were honest about their lives. Knowing they slip up from time to time made me realize how loving our God was. That He would love me despite my mistakes.

God made us from a perfect love for us. But He did not make us perfect.

So here's the real me….my house is NEVER ready for company. I sometimes forget to remind my kids to brush their teeth and forget to sign their planners for school. My purse and shoes never match. I still swear sometimes even when I am trying my hardest not to. And every now and then I have fallen asleep while praying. But I know God forgives me, and my family forgives me. My closest friends know that I will always be there for them. My children and husband know they mean the world to me. And when we are laughing and wrestling on the floor I occasionally look up at the dust and the clutter that is our house and I think - life is good but messy, so why should my home and family be any different ;o)

Be real today!

Training has come to a halt for now..

2008-07-30T13:02:00.003-05:00

The week I left for Wisconsin I stopped training. I had this horrible fear that my klutzy butt was going to injure myself and either not be able to go or have huge problems while out there. Doing some marathon shopping at Jordan Creek Mall didn't help things either. The Thursday before we left Wisconsin I decided to go and get strep throat and a nasty cold. The week after I got home I decided to take it easy and not run. Then this week I decided I wasn't getting any better so I should probably go and see the Dr. again. Now I have bronchitis. I am now on my second course of antibiotics and was told under no uncertain terms am I to run again until I have at least finished the new course of antibiotics. Granted I don't feel much like running. Climbing stairs leaves me very winded but I hate that I am falling behind in training when I just started. I'm pretty much just going to have to start over. I'm not a big fan of the word hate but in this case I can safely say that I hate bronchitis!

Thought for the day

2008-07-22T14:13:00.001-05:00

The worse thing about being sick - having to cancel plans and feeling like, because of that you are letting people down.

Prayer request

2008-07-21T15:10:00.002-05:00

Please read this blog and pray for this wonderful family. I had the opportunity to work for David and my heart aches for this family. But at the same time it's wonderful to see the miracle God is working in their lives.

http://katiebloomprogress.blogspot.com/

Silver Birch

2008-07-19T20:01:00.003-05:00

Things I learned at Silver Birch Ranch

Middle school kids have no filter on their mouths. That can sometimes be a good thing. A lot of times it's not.
They need encouragement with everything.
Even the most got it together kid can surprise you.
God provides the best opportunities - even if it's in an Emergency Room a half hour away from camp
Sleep is overrated.

more later....still catching up on my sleep....oh yea and the antibiotics from the strep throat that I brought back are causing me to be a bit sleepy.

running

2008-07-02T22:03:00.005-05:00

I'm on day 3 of my 5K training. And other than being a little sore I feel pretty good. Treadmill training sucks but it was just too hot to run outside. And not just hot but muggy hot. I'm using the beginners training that runnersworld.com gives. Check them out!

http://www.runnersworld.com/

114 more days to go before my goal race, which is Race for the Cure. If I'm ready before that then I may tackle another race but my main goal is Race for the Cure in October.

It's Official!

2008-06-18T10:43:00.002-05:00

At 8:32am this morning the adoption was legalized and filed with the courthouse. Dad, mom and Heather were all there. It was an emotional and joyous day. More than anyone could ever know. Does it change who I am or who my dad is to me? No. He was always my dad. That is something that would never change regardless of what some piece of paper said. But there was something about today that I can't describe. Something about finally making legal what has been true all these years in our hearts.

I love you dad!

Tomorrow is the BIG DAY

2008-06-17T12:48:00.001-05:00

8:15 am tomorrow my dad and I go before the judge and the adoption is made legal!

My dream job

2008-06-15T21:12:00.005-05:00

For two years I had the best job in the world. Too bad I didn't realize what a wonderful job it was until it had already past and I had moved on to a new one. I made my own hours (sort of). I was my own boss. There was time for a great breakfast full of waffles, yummy cereal and pop tarts. Lunch was never rushed and was always warm. And my lunch buddies had the best stories. I was a stay at home mom!

So why did I quit? I thought I was doing something great. I didn't want my kids to think that a mother is only good for staying at home and cleaning. I wanted my children to know there was something better out there for them. I had no idea the best lessons I could ever teach them were right in my own home.

I spent too long searching for something I thought I wanted. Only to find what I really wanted was right in front of me the whole time. Now more than ever all I want to be is just a mom. I don't need a fancy title behind my name. I just want to be mom.

I'm not saying that working outside the home is bad or wrong. Just wrong for me. All I can do at this point is make the best of the situation. Be there every step of the way that I can. And pray for Scott to get a better job so that I can go back to my dream job.

It's been awhile

2008-06-11T22:32:00.003-05:00

So it's been about a month since I last posted. I would like to say it's because there just hasn't been anything worthy of posting. Unfortunately it's been because we have been so busy that half the time I don't know whether I am coming or going. If we are not at the ball field then one of us (us being Scott or myself) is working late, or the kids have something going on and so we are with them.

So be patient....more will be posted soon!

Who Goes Where?

2008-05-15T22:49:00.003-05:00

I'll admit last night…I did not feel like going to Youth Group. I just didn't feel well. My head hurt. My leg still hurt. Work was horrible. I just didn't feel fell. I love the kids. They make me laugh and I always have a good time. The girls I work with are wonderful. Partly because they think I'm cool (a fact my 12 year old daughter has failed to realize) but mostly because I can relate so much to what they are going through. But I just didn't feel like I was in the frame of mind to be there. Yet all day long God was in my heart was telling me I needed to be there. I am so glad that I did. Last night Jon ended the series on "Back to the Future" with the question WHO GOES WHERE?

As I sat there and listened to Jon talk to the kids I found myself writing thoughts down. During small group I asked the girls some questions and was amazed at their openness, but not surprised by their answers:

What/who is holding you back?
friends, fear, losing yourself
What/who are you holding onto?
friends, fun things
What/who is stopping you from committing your life to Christ?
friends, uncertainty
What/who comes before God in your life?
SILENCE!
How empty do you have to feel before you hear God's voice calling to you?
SILENCE!

Most of them talked about this kid in their class who was a big believer. Prayed before his meal. Prayed at the flagpole during the national day of prayer. People made fun of him. They just didn't want to be that kid. What do you say to that? I want them so much to know the depths of God's love for them. But what do I say to that? I just sat there and lost the words. Then the kicker came when one of the girls said "He is such a better Christian than I am." There was just this look in her eyes.

Then I asked a question that gave me two different responses. Some of these girls come because someone brought them or convinced them to come. If that person was no longer a part of their life would they still be here. One said yes right away. The other looked at me and said probably not. My heart broke for both of them. The one that said yes right away knows she needs God. The look in her eyes tells me she is going through some stuff that she is struggling with. The other doesn't think she needs Him, or doesn't want to admit she does. Either way she is going through stuff that she won't be real about. Knowing that I asked each and every girl to be real to themselves and to God. Even if what they say to me every time they see me isn't real , at least be real to themselves and to God. He knows them. He knows their hearts. And they needed to hear that.

Small group was intense. There were tears. And that can be good. Tears make you think. But tears can be sadness, fear, desperation, loneliness, heartache, PAIN. And those are the things that are making my heart break tonight. I've been there. I know where it can lead. So, tonight I pray...hard.

Big news....continued

2008-05-14T21:55:00.002-05:00

WE HAVE A DATE!

The official date we have to go before the judge to make the adoption final is June 18th at 8:15am.

Injured

2008-05-09T06:38:00.002-05:00

A while ago a couple of friends posted this video on their blog. I laughed so hard. Today....not laughing as hard. While I am not injured in that "special place" I'm injured....injured bad....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5jVNsiM4IU

Big news

2008-05-08T18:03:00.005-05:00

For those of you that know me know that over 30 years ago a wonderful man stepped into my life. For those who don't I will give you a quick - reader's digest version of the events.

When I was really young my father walked away from my mom and I. And when I was around 3 years old my mom remarried. They tried unsuccessfully to have my real father sign over his rights so my "step-dad" could adopt me. Most of my life my real father was in prison. He never paid my mother any child support and truly was not a dad to me. My "step-dad" was a great man. From the day he stepped into my life he has been the most wonderful, caring dad. He never once made me feel as though I was not his flesh and blood. I have called him dad for as long as I can remember. I could not have asked for a better dad.

A year ago, while my mom and dad were working on their will it was revealed to their attorney that I was not my father's real daughter. The attorney asked if there was any reason why my father had not adopted me. After they explained the situation the attorney asked if there was any reason why they didn't do it now.

That brings us to present day. Wednesday, May 7th the papers were filed to have my dad adopt me. I can't tell you the excitement I have for the day when this is finally official! When my dad first asked me if I wanted this to be done last year I knew that it would happen. My dad is very determined (hmmmm....must be where I get it). If he says something is going to happen then it will. Even so it felt like this moment may never come. But it has. We don't have a court date yet but we are hoping soon. I will keep you all posted.

To my dad I want to say this: the gift you have given me is worth more to me than you will ever know. You have made a dream come true. True we are only making a reality out of something that we have lived for years but, to quote a Brad Paisley song ("He Didn't Have To Be): I hope I'm at least half the dad (or for me - parent) that he didn't have to be
Because he didn't have to be....

You didn't have to be dad....but I'm so glad you did. I love you!

Running/Softball

2008-05-07T18:31:00.003-05:00

So yesterday was my first day of running and I think the odds were against me from the beginning. My plan was to leave work at 4:15 and get home just in time to take Trace to baseball practice (which I thought was at 5 - keyword being THOUGHT), go running and then pick Sami up and head to youth group. For starters I didn't leave work until 4:30. When I got home I couldn't find any running pants (I had to settle for jogging shorts). Then I couldn't find my shoes. I hurried and changed,dropped Trace off at the baseball fields at 5:15 (FYI - call came in from Trace at 5:30 to tell me that practice wasn't until 6pm) and headed out to the trails. So about 5:20 I started my run. The realization came at 5:21 that I am very out of shape. My legs still hurt from my softball game on Monday (which can only by described as a pathetic attempt on my part - but more on that later). I ran my heart out for a good minute before my muscles screamed at me. I then decided to do a very fast paced walk to try and fool my muscles into thinking they were resting long enough for another attempt at running. Later on in the run I decided to try to run a minute and then walk a minute. That seems to satisfy my muscles a little

So while I would love to say the run went well there are some key facts I realized today:

1. jiggly legs do not look good in shorts. Unfortuantly it's getting closer to warmer weather so until I am able to get back in shape I may have to throw on my Jackie O glasses and hope noone recognizes me.

2. I can NOT and will NOT go without my knee brace again (I PROMISE Scott)

3. I have always been a short distant runner. While my dream for a long time has been to run a marathan I have never and will never be a long distant runner. Maybe I can shoot for a half marathon.

4. After years of not running I am paying the price!

Softball - I joined the church softball league. The first game was last week and went relatively well. I hit the ball, I ran, I played catcher, I had a great time. We won 1 game and lost 1. Other than being tired and a little sore I felt pretty good about my contribution to the team. This week was a different story. I did not do so hot. In fact I would have made my dad (who use to coach my little league team) crawl under the bleacher. And the worse part is during the second game my knee started to bother me and I had to admit to my husband that my knee brace was out in the car instead of on my knee. Tonight is our 5th and 6th game. Let's hope my sore muscles decide to work :o)

Stay tuned for more updates on my attempt at running and softball. :o)

Forgiveness

2008-04-24T22:22:00.004-05:00

I'm having one of those nights were everything makes me want to cry. The last couple of weeks have been pretty hard for me and my family in general. I've been struggling a lot with forgiveness. I know that God wants me to forgive the people that have hurt me. But how do you forgive without opening yourself to pain and vulnerbility again. Take my father for instance. He did the ultimate wrong. One that many people would consider unforgivable. I've tried and tried and I still struggle with forgiving him. Not just for what he did to me but what he did to the other people involved. As much as I've tried to forgive him I find myself back in the same place many times. Questioning how I can do that? My mind is still filled with so many questions and ones I don't think I will ever get the answers to. And then there is the struggle of forgiving someone for hurting someone important to me. How can I find it in my heart to forgive someone who hurt Sami. If I can't forgive how can I move on and help her deal with pain in her own heart. And what if she has already forgiven him? Am I holding her back holding onto a pain she is trying to let go of. Or worse is the pain I feel so strong it's preventing me from helping her?

I did some reading tonight and this is what I've found:

We forgive by faith, out of obedience. Since forgiveness goes against our nature, we must forgive by faith, whether we feel like it or not. We must trust God to do the work in us that needs to be done so that the forgiveness will be complete.
I believe God honors our commitment to obey Him and our desire to please him when we choose to forgive. He completes the work in his time. We must continue to forgive (our job), by faith, until the work of forgiveness (the Lord's job), is done in our hearts.

Most times, however, forgiveness is a slow process.
Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. (NIV)
This answer by Jesus makes it clear that forgiveness is not easy for us. It's not a one-time choice and then we automatically live in a state of forgiveness. Forgiveness may require a lifetime of forgiving, but it is important to the Lord. We must continue forgiving until the matter is settled in our heart.

So I will pray God helps me to learn to forgive. Maybe then slowly the tears will stop.

Life Without Limbs

2008-04-01T06:35:00.005-05:00

This man is amazing: Nick Vujicic

very inspirational!!!!

Monday Mind-Dump

2008-03-31T22:48:00.003-05:00

I'm going to be a big copy-cat and steal an idea from a couple friends of mine.
http://pursuitofrunningness.blogspot.com/

http://jonduey.blogspot.com/

Praying hard this week for my husband that a job opens up and his health improves.
I was breathing a sigh of relief on Sunday that last week was over....then I looked at our schedule for this week.
Thinking something I never thought I would think "how many more years before Sami can drive herself places?" eek!
Softball practice starts this week! Torn between being really excited and terrified that I didn't think this through - I forgot I was out of shape
I'm really out of shape - and I hate exercising - and I want to eat some nachos
Wondering if starting my diet the same week softball practice begins was the smartest thing.
Super excited that I bought my first real leather purse from a store that doesn't also sell food. If you are a girl you totally get this. If you are a boy - just smile and shake your head like my husband.
I'm trying to think of something special for the 8th grade girls in youth group. Why is this so hard - I was an 8th grade girl once.
Why is it snowing in April??
Trace has had his first broken bone. Too bad for him it's not an exciting tale to tell. He just got in the way of a very animated friend telling a story.

I hate being sick!

2008-03-27T18:13:00.002-05:00

I have not had a cold this bad in a long time! My bed is looking very nice. However, my darling talented son is singing a solo tonight for his school music concert. So I will be there in the auditorium watching and listening to him sing his little heart out and hoping I don't get pelted with stuff for sneezing so much.

Wish me luck!

March 12th

2008-03-25T22:35:00.004-05:00

March 12th was the 1 year anniversary of my Grandma Jenny's death. I took the day off. I prepared myself leading up to the day. I even cried before the day got here. And then I woke up on March 12th and found....nothing. It was just another day. The sun still rose, people still went to work, the kids still went to school. What did I expect? A day full of remembrance? Something special? I miss her like crazy. My heart aches for her. But did it hurt anymore than any other day of the year? No. Why did I allow this day to control me? Why did it effect my entire week and weeks leading up to the day? I will never not miss her but I need to stop thinking the world is just going to stop just because my heart breaks. When I can really learn this then March 12th will be just another day to honor her memory. Just as every day should be.

On a side note I did get a new tattoo in honor of her. It's pretty awesome if I do say so myself ;o)

Being Thankful and trusting God

2008-02-24T18:57:00.003-06:00

We had a wonderful sermon at church today. "How to be Truly Thankful for the "Fleas" in Life." So, what does that mean exactly? Give thanks to God in all circumstances. In times when all is going wrong we still need to be thankful to God. That is so hard to do sometimes. Faith is knowing God is going to provide a future blessing. If you know me that statement is as hard for me to digest as vegetables are to some children. I trust God but do I really let Him in all the time? Is He in complete control of my life or am I only allowing Him to have control over the areas in my life that seem to be not as important as the others? As I listened to our speaker talk about giving thanks no matter what, my thoughts drifted to a poem someone gave me a long time ago.

Broken Dreams

As children bring their broken toys

With tears for us to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God

Because He was my friend.

But instead of leaving Him

in peace to work alone,

I hung around and tried to help

With ways that were my own.

At last I snatched them back and cried,

"How can you be so slow?"

"My child," He said. "What could I do?

You never let them go."

What have I given to God lately only to take it back because He wasn't taking care of it when I thought He should? Or because the answer wasn't what I wanted? And what have I told myself I have given to Him but still have my hands on?

I really needed to hear this today. Thank you God for giving this to our speaker today. I know that you had a hand in this. Your spirit is telling me You are in control.

Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Knowledge

2008-02-21T15:36:00.008-06:00

Things I've learned:

You can find all the answers in the Bible.
My husband's smile can still make me feel like everything will be ok.
Middle school girls (and sometimes girls in general) can be vicious to each other.
Someone's decision for themselves can effect someone else's life forever - even if they don’t realize it yet.
DNA doesn't make a father a daddy.
There is no manual for 10 year old boys.
Trace won't break if I let him be him.
Sometimes God doesn't think you need the answers yet - you just need to have faith.
Bon Jovi is the best band of all time.

Thing I still need to learn:

How to always find the answers I'm looking for in the Bible.
That my husband needs to still see me smile to know it will all be ok.
To understand there will be some problems Samantha has that I will not be able to solve.
To not let others effect who I am and who I can be.
How to explain to Samantha so she understands it wasn't because of her that her father left when sometimes I have trouble believing it wasn't b/c of me that mine left me.
To keep remembering there is no manual for 10 year old boys
To stop wincing in front of Trace when I get worried.
To accept God doesn't think I need to have all the answers yet - and to just have faith
To not be so afraid of failure that I don't even try.
How to accept that Bon Jovi may be going country.

Things I learned just this week:

It is possible to gross out a 10 year old boy (mom gets 1 point).
8th grade girls are crazy but have the biggest hearts.
A jeep can't get through snow drifts equal to my door.
In the quiet of the night when I think all is impossible I can still hear God.

Ramblings of a concerned mother

2008-02-12T22:40:00.001-06:00

I have had this blog for awhile and haven't posted anything. My life is as my title states a circus. And life can be crazy under the big top.

But....
I saw this thing on the news last night where a man was found guilty of sexual assault when he engaged in sexual relationship with a girl twice his age. They met on MySpace. The small town was left bewildered. In fact one person went as far as to say they didn't understand how this happened. Come on people open your eyes. We are sending our children out into a world full of perversion and greed and not giving them the resources to handle it. We spend our days blaming each other for the lack of discipline in our youth or worse yet we are blaming the kids. Tell me this...did you learn how to eat or dress yourself all on your own? Did you learn to ride a bike or spell you name just by simply waking up one morning and being determined enough to do it? Of course not - then how can we expect our kids to know exactly what to do in life? To know how to handle situations that can and will harm them.

Many people will say that it's the man's fault. He should have known better. And you are right - he should have. He's twice her age and an adult. She is just a child. But we are missing a key ingredient to this. They met online, she agreed to meet him, she had sex with him. The key ingredient here is she agreed to meet him and had sex with him. Please don't think I'm blaming the girl - that could not be further from the truth. But we expected this girl to make an adult decision with a child's mind. We trust and have faith that the other people on the "internet line" talking to our children are who they say they are. Even though we can't see them and yet we won't let God into their lives - even though we can feel Him

As mothers we expect our daughters to act "lady-like", to respect themselves and their bodies. but have we taught them how? Or are we leaving it up to the father's to teach the young boys to be men of integrity. To respect woman. But with that line of thinking we are throwing our daughters into the lions den without a second thought. You've heard the saying "boys will be boys." Well that applies to more than just jumping off of couches or doing daredevil stuff. Not ever boy is being lead the right way. Not every boy was brought up to look the other way. they will still see a young desirable woman/girl. and just like we find it hard to walk away from that delicious cake they will find it hard to walk away from your daughter. so we have to prepare them for that. to understand that by respecting your body and taking care of it doesn't just mean eating right and staying a virgin. It means looking at yourself in the mirror and asking yourself - are you that delicious dessert that is so tempting it can't be resisted. When you look at yourself do you see a young woman clothed in a way that shows you respect yourself or are you wearing clothes that scream you want attention? Again, please don't misunderstand I'm not saying that a woman/girl deserves to be attacked based on the way they are dressed. Nobody asks to be attacked and should never be made to feel that they were "asking for it".

Mothers take a good long hard look at yourself. What image are you projecting? Your daughters will follow your lead. They want to...they need to and they should. But what path are you letting them walk down?

Proverbs 3:5,6 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

Hebrews 10:23 - Without wavering, let us hold tightly to the hope we say we have, for God can be trusted to keep His promise.

Ok - so that's all I have to say for tonight. I'll step off of my soap box. I promise next time I will blog on something more lighthearted!